One of my best friends of all time, and all-around hot bitch, Liz Hall has gotten back to blogging. You may know Liz from the trillion posts I've done on her. Liz and I are both sporadic bloggers and very recently she's gotten back into the swing of things. Now I have no problem admitting that I ride on her coattail - and this is not a reference to her dressing in men's clothing. What I'm saying is, Liz has influenced my life in many ways. Let's take a deeper look (twss):
1) duct tape - it was the winter of '05 and liz broke out linen pants. after growing tired of dragging her summer gear through brown snow, she ripped off two squares of duct tape to create a quick hem. i immediately bought a roll of duct tape and shoved it in my pants to look like i have a bigger dick.
next.
2) chuck taylors - spring of '05. liz purchases gray chucks and one yellow raincoat. i immediately go out and purchase "under the tuscan sun" and a pair in burgundy.
keep it comin.
3) vodka - june '81 to present. liz drinks said vodka with gatorade. i take vodka bottle and shove it in my pants to look like i have a bigger dick. it's mistaken for a gargantuan clit.
lady marmalade.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Rayanne Graff... No Relation to Laurie
Look, I don't know the direction of this blog. I basically throw shit at you and hope it sticks. If you laugh a little, great, if not, I hope you still think I'm a strong black woman.
Today is A.J. Langer's 34th birthday. If you're a fan of my blog, you've noticed that I like celebrating C-List birthdays. I also like crazy white alcoholic bitches [ pronounced Rosalie]. So there you have it.
I spent the entire summer of 2004 watching My So-Called Life reruns on Noggin at 11pm EST, so you best believe that I'm going to congratulate Rayanne "Get Me a Bottle... Anything Brown" Graff on her beating the odds and making it past 30. Fuck, I hope I make it past 30. I eat massive amounts of cheese and I crush vodka. I think I also have menopause.
Anyway, from time to time you'll see birthday updates and tributes to strong independent black women. That's my blog, so suck it. Speaking of strong black independent women, my girl Laurie Graff has a book coming out this fall. Check her out here.
Today is A.J. Langer's 34th birthday. If you're a fan of my blog, you've noticed that I like celebrating C-List birthdays. I also like crazy white alcoholic bitches [ pronounced Rosalie]. So there you have it.
I spent the entire summer of 2004 watching My So-Called Life reruns on Noggin at 11pm EST, so you best believe that I'm going to congratulate Rayanne "Get Me a Bottle... Anything Brown" Graff on her beating the odds and making it past 30. Fuck, I hope I make it past 30. I eat massive amounts of cheese and I crush vodka. I think I also have menopause.
Anyway, from time to time you'll see birthday updates and tributes to strong independent black women. That's my blog, so suck it. Speaking of strong black independent women, my girl Laurie Graff has a book coming out this fall. Check her out here.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Iman
I'm so sick of Hollywood overlooking Iman when casting many of today's leading roles. Sit there and try and think of one movie that Iman would not have dominated. No seriously, sit there. I'm going to go shotgun a pudding while you let your thoughts marinate.
Ok, I'm back. Let's pick up where we left off. In highschool I went on the Atkin's diet, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day and had memberships at two tanning salons on opposite ends of the Bronx. I wanted my charred skin to hang off my back like a gossamer gown - that was my motivation for eating steaks and butter with one hand and a cigarette in the other. I did this because I looked fuckin' hot, but also to protest the gross injustice that was casting Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.
Iman knows math. Iman likes apples. Iman's Somalian accent definitely sounds Bostonian. But leaving to that fucking dwarf to get the role. What does this mean? Ladies and gentleman, Hollywood is a racist town.
Ok, I'm back. Let's pick up where we left off. In highschool I went on the Atkin's diet, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day and had memberships at two tanning salons on opposite ends of the Bronx. I wanted my charred skin to hang off my back like a gossamer gown - that was my motivation for eating steaks and butter with one hand and a cigarette in the other. I did this because I looked fuckin' hot, but also to protest the gross injustice that was casting Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.
Iman knows math. Iman likes apples. Iman's Somalian accent definitely sounds Bostonian. But leaving to that fucking dwarf to get the role. What does this mean? Ladies and gentleman, Hollywood is a racist town.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Word of the Day
Sheika-shay (verb): to timbaland beat out yo ass
Example:
"Claudiene, did you sheika-shay? It smell like broccoli and dead walrus!"
Example:
"Claudiene, did you sheika-shay? It smell like broccoli and dead walrus!"
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