Feeding Apple Sauce to Justine Batemen

I'm going to say two things before I have to go rescue my bagel from the toaster.

1) Entonces, tengo un buen accento.

2) Juliette Lewis, I saw you on the Ashley Paige show. NICE FUCKIN WORK!!!

Pearl Up In Your Windowsill

I saw Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 and hated it. America Ferrera, I hope you choke on a fucking empanada.

In other news - I fucking loved Pineapple Express. As if a cameo by Rosie Lady Perez playing a cop gone bad wasn't enough there was even a scene where James Franco is enjoying himself by watching an episode of the ORIGINAL Sex & the City, 227.

227 was the hottest show in the '80s. I still sit at my windowsill and pretend I'm Pearl. Anyway, today also happens to be Jackée Harry's birthday. Jackée, hearing you say "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARY" every episode made my tits grow faster. I love you mami.

If You Need Me This Weekend

I'll be wearing a pair of jeans that I bought at Express in 2002 and doing this...
PS. America Ferrera, you look like you just woke up. Watch your back - Iman might replace you in the 3rd installment. Dick.

PPS. For those of you who luckily stumbled upon this blog - I'm not a girl. I'm a 26 year old man. A 26 year old man who has spent the last 48 hours watching Popular on DVD.

All You Ladies Pop Yo P*ssies Like This

I started writing a screenplay 15 minutes ago - it's kinda biographical.

If I die before this shit is made into this movies it's up to you guys to make sure I'm portrayed by James Franco or Swoozie Kurtz (you fuckers better get Swoozie!!!).

Here's the rest of the cast, in no particular order:

Ricky - Any female lead from Days of Our Lives or Vanessa Anne Hudgens
Liz - Nandini Rao, if she's not available for some godawful reason, Franka Potente
Martha - James Earl Jones; he has weak knees too!
Jen - A bottle of cough syrup
Sarah LADY Sallee - Phylicia DUTCHESS Rashad
Nandini Rao - Charlize Theron
Lauryn - The black lady with the lisp from Pine-Sol commercials
Mona - I don't have any actors in mind, but I'll roll over in my fucking grave if they cast that slutbag CUNT Ashley Judd.

Time to Come Clean

I'd like to tell the world, and O'Hare International Airport, that it was Jim Milton that fat-lady trouser coughed at approximately 6pm on June 24th at Gate 6.

Jim, it smelled like burnt hooker twat on the Atlantic City Jitney.

Ok, I feel better.