Pink's Poonani Popped!

From one pregnant dude to another, I'd like to congratulate Pink on the birth of her daughter, Willow Sage Hart. When I finally give birth to my bar food (it helped the bourbon go down last night), I'll name her Pillow Size Fart.

Is it just me or did it seem like P!nk was pregnant forever? Good thing the timer popped up on her turkey because bitch was starting to look like Ursula from Little Mermaid.
How Pink managed to squeeze a baby out of her peen is a mystery to me and an inspiration to Khloe Kardashian who was at the last-standing Blockbuster trying to rent a VHS of Junior for research when she heard the news. The other day I was trying to make a poop and I swear I thought my ass ripped, so I can only imagine how Emily Valentine's little brother managed the pain. She probably picked off her skater boy husband's scabs as a distraction.

Both of Willow's parents are handsome, so that means the kid could either be beautiful or Rumer Willis.