People I Wouldn't Eat Scrambled Eggs With

Scrambled eggs are delicious. I will eat them off a plate... I will eat them off my elbow... Fuck, I will even eat them off of Angela Lansbury. The thing about scrambled eggs though, is that they make your upper lip smell funk-ay for a few hours after you eat them; much like pizza, egg noodles and Ms. Angela Lansbury. Try to imagine the face you make when you smell your upper lip. It's a pucker with a furled brow. That's the same face you make when the condom breaks AND when you see someone ugly (one and the same for most of you). That is why I am introducing a new feature on Fat Bad Baby known as 'People I Wouldn't Eat Scrambled Eggs With', ugly people.

It is my dishonor to present you with our first person I wouldn't eat scrambled eggs with; a woman who looks like she just woke up and ate some off of her tits while laying in bed, Lady Chelsea Handler.
Sidenote: Sometimes, after I eat scrambled eggs, I look for a latina friend and borrow some of the fruity lotions YOU KNOW she is carrying in her Coach bag and I dab a little on my upper lip. (Pear Glace is mad classy.)