Terminator 4: Whathadhappenedwas

I'm always jealous when a latina woman sits next to me on the train wearing her teenage daughter's clothes and eats a slice of garlic bread from the cuban bakery on 231st street at 7am. Now Maria Shriver will suffer that burning envy that stings like Jennifer Lopez perfume in the eye, and aches like chinese sequin slippers pinching on a Puerto Rican flag pedicure, because Arnold's mistress has been revealed. I hereby unveil, Luz Clarita de Eufemia Los Santos Maria Hostos Community College Ecumi Yancy Estanga Altagracia-Schwarzenegger:


Maria, if only your eyebrows were as sharp as your other facial features, you might have been able to keep your man.